Ha!

My doctor finally called. She’s been on vacation for two weeks. She explained the reasons for scanning my sinuses. Okay, I get it now. Then she said “I think you are very stoic about your pain.” It was a complaint, not a compliment. Apparently something she saw in my sinuses has her believing that I have been in terrible pain but hiding it from her.

Listen, doctor, I have been in terrible pain on and off since I was seven years old. That’s 44 years. The Constant Stabbing Headache is not worse than the migraines, it’s just different. When I came to see you it was because the new pain frightened me because it wasn’t a migraine. When you said you thought it was thyroid related I went along with you because what do I know? When you changed your mind and said it was a new version of my migraines I told you why I felt that it wasn’t a migraine, but you disagreed. When you told me to stop drinking caffeine I knew it wouldn’t help but I went along with it because I’m a polite person and you’re the doctor.

If I was stoic I wouldn’t have kept coming back and saying “My head hurts.” For eight months I’ve felt like a flaming hypochondriac whiney crazy complainer, but because I was so sure this new headache was going to kill me I kept coming back and doing whatever you said, on account of I don’t want to die. I know I told you with my words that I was in pain. If I didn’t look or sound like I was in pain, it’s not stoicism. It’s just the result of 44 years of trying to look and sound like I’m not in pain so I can “pass” as a normal person. It’s just a habit.

And I wish I had said all of that to her, but of course, I didn’t.

Anyway, then she seemed surprised that my ENT appointment hadn’t been scheduled yet. She said she would message that Person in her Office Who is Too Busy to Schedule Things and have her make an appointment for me. Should I hold my breath? Nah, holding my breath is probably a migraine trigger.

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Explore posts in the same categories: caffeine, CT scan, migraine, sinus

3 Comments on “Ha!”

  1. Megan Oltman Says:

    Boy can I relate: “If I didn’t look or sound like I was in pain, it’s not stoicism. It’s just the result of 44 years of trying to look and sound like I’m not in pain so I can “pass” as a normal person. It’s just a habit.” I have that habit too. I wonder how many “normal” people there actually! Who am I trying to look good for anyway? We’re all hiding something! It’s so hard dealing with doctors and insurance and scheduling too. sometimes when someone asks my occupation I think I ought to say “patient.” I hope you get some relief.

    Free my brain from migraine pain!

    – Megan – http://www.meganoltmanfreemybrain.typepad.com

  2. glass pineapple Says:

    I love your motto!


  3. I agree that it is not stoicism. I think it’s a survival habit to live in the day to day world. There are only a couple people in my life who can look into my eyes and tell me that they know I’m in pain.


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